Friday, December 18, 2015

Hi, It has been almost a year.
This year is too dramatic~
From In a Relationship to Single.
Last year, this time, I was with the 'love of my life', well, I thought so.
He came all the way from Msia to the UK and we celebrated both Christmas and New Year together.
One of the sweetest thing he has ever done for me.
We were so sweet, and the next moment, BAM, let's break up!
It was also the trip that made him realised that I am not the one for him, well, he said that is sort of the trigger point.
Everything came to an end in April, while I was at Lake District with my cousin bro, after a hike to the highest peak in the UK.
Things came to a real end around the mid of May, somehow it was the saddest birthday ever in my entire lifetime.
He gave me all sorts of reasons, and I came back to Msia in July to talk to him.
Till today, I still think that there is only one reason, he does not love me as much as before.
The feelings has changed, and that is why he can no longer tolerate me, he sees all my weaknesses.

It is quite a terrible year for me. 2015 kinda sucks. I went through the first break up in my life. The previous puppy love is not counted. I have been in a r/s with him for almost 6 years. I have indeed fallen in love, deeply I would said. We have been through a lot and I thought he is really the one. Well, life is always unexpected and I never thought of losing him one day, and not during my one year of studying abroad. I do not rely on him a lot but I am used to having him being around me when I need him. A feel of emptiness ever since he has left.

I was very sad, not being myself and truly heart broken. Being alone in the UK almost killed me emotionally. It is one of the best experience ever in my life! Studying in the UK is my dream and I really appreciate my parents for giving me this opportunity. Yet, it is also a year where I suffered a lot due to this heart break. I was pretty drunk during my birthday, or during most of the drinking sessions. I cried non stop, almost every day, eventually it became every week.

I am really glad that after all these dramas, or after all these cryings, I still manage to complete my essays and dissertation! I tried my best to keep these two things apart, my studies and my personal life. I am glad that I made it! No regrets, I really do not wish to repeat the same mistake I did in my degree life.

I signed up for a half marathon and completed it! I made a very random decision by buying air tickets for a trip to Prague and Budapest which turned out to be the best trip ever in my life! A solo trip, first solo trip in my life! something which I have wanted to do for a long time and I did it! It is amazing and I learnt to love myself more. Met strangers and loosen up myself! Freedom!

2015 sucks, indeed it sucks when it comes to how much I have to suffer and how I handled my emotions! However, it is also a year where I learnt a lot and did a lot of stuffs I have never done before! it is filled with ups and downs. I am glad that I survived! no doubt, I do miss him and haven't let go of him entirely but I am feeling much better now! I still cry and being emotional occasionally but I know that I will be fine, truly fine one day!

I am glad that I have a lot of lovely people, friends and family supporting me whenever I needed them. I really appreciate them. I am not used to share my stories/feelings because I know that eventually I am the one who need to face it and no one can help me. Cry all you want but make sure that after the cryings, you will stand up and continue with the route that you are suppose to take! I will be tough, I will be strong! You can do it! You will be a better woman! Do not give up or ruin your life because of a guy who does not appreciate you! Love will come to you when you have learnt how to love yourself.

1 comment:

Wei Xiong said...

Sorry for your sad story. I had wonder about you when you didn't show pictures of your former boyfriend anymore. You will find one guy who deserves your love and loves you sincerely. You have motivation to live with strong heart. It's good for yourself.