don't feel like typing

I just don't feel like typing
but still I am here, in front of my comp~
looking at the blank white box, slowly been covered up by words
I will just simply type out whatever that is in my mind
I wonder... what has changed the world?
what is happening to it?
it's a sad thing knowing that everything is turning upside down
sometimes, really hope that I am always a little gal that is being protected
growing up did fear me
surrounded by lots of fakers
I am afraid that one day, I can no longer different ship between angels and demons
somehow, demons are better than angels
a demon shows the true face of itself
while angel is kinda tricky by hiding it's evil face behind a sweet and lovely looking...
being hurt by an angel is much more painful comparing to demon
so, now...
it's a fact that I am growing up and I can't control that
being 19 this year,
I realise that my life has been going too smooth... isn't it?
always being a happy go lucky gal
with a smile that is always on my face
it's like the whole world will protect you when u give 'em a smile
always sunny days, sometimes rainy days but never a stormy day...
it's wrong !
well... I was dreaming.... being naive...
feeling disappointed and tired
ended up, when someday I am hurt by a bow came from hell
I guess it hurts me a lot
not only because it tears part of my skin and created a scar in my heart
but it also left a note for me....
telling me to wake up !
wake up girl....
you gotta learn to protect yourself
not to become a cold hearted person
but in some situation, you really have to be cruel as no one can always stay by your side to help you in solving problems
it's just like, between the real angels and demons
what demons have done is surely being remembered
cause it hurt you, breaking your heart, left you bad memories
sometimes, 1 bad thing will take over hundreds of lovely memories
I have no idea what am I suppose to do now
being the smiley me ?
or the "smiley" me?

yeah.... I am crapping early in the morning...
can some1 plz cheer me up?
damn.... my brain is going to burst !